Carpe diem

Orazio avrà avuto anche ragione ma, chissà perché, a cogliere questo fottuto attimo, io proprio non ci riesco. 

E’ da quando ho capito che la vita ha un termine che mi sono intestardito a godere di tutti i momenti esattamente nell’istante in cui accadono: ne ‘prima’ in forma di speranza, ne ‘dopo’ nella veste di ricordo. Ciò, per di più, senza preoccuparmi dei futuribili sviluppi, dei rapporti causa-effetto. Insomma, senza pre-occuparmi di niente. Attimo dopo attimo.

Ma purtroppo, ogni volta che mi ritornano a mente quelle paroline latine e provo ad inchiodarmi a quella lancetta che,inesorabilmente, allarga la vita vissuta e riduce quella da vivere, è inevitabile che mi perda. Sono in un parco, cerco di concentrarmi sul singolo passo della camminata, godendomi una normale quanto straordinaria passeggiata. Respiro profondamente, ascolto il battito del mio cuore. Sto bene. Lo sguardo fissato sul movimento dei piedi, nervosamente dopo poco si distrae, alzando l’orizzonte d’interesse e fissando il lastricato più avanti, poi le aiuole che le circondano, il bambino in bicicletta che mi viene incontro, pensando a quando ero piccolo, alla torta della nonna, alla dieta che non riesco a rispettare, alla cena di lavoro di stasera, alla collega carogna, alle vacanze che stanno per arrivare, alle mie prime esperienze amorose, al mare, alle tempeste emozionali…all’intero universo.

Un processo altalenante ed iperbolico, in bilico tra l’entusiasmo dei progetti futuri e l’angoscia dei rischi e delle pene che si celano nel divenire, tra la fierezza delle esperienze vissute e la tristezza dell’evocare brandelli di vita che ormai si disperdono nell’oblio della memoria. E’ come se il passato ed il futuro fossero due grandi calamite che attraendo il mio pensiero non permettono di fermare, anche solo per poco, la mia attenzione sul punto di equilibrio, sul movimentato confine: l’attimo fuggente.

Perché non riesco a vivere ogni momento come se fosse l’ultimo? 

Semplice. Perché questo è chiaramente un concetto falso.
Falso perché confonde le idee, perché mi porta a pensare che la vita è finita. Mentre la vita è semplicemente non infinita.
Falso perché ogni mia azione, nel presente, produce reazioni a catena che si sviluppano nel futuro e che non posso ignorare. Il mio comportamento andrà inevitabilmente a modificare ciò che accadrà in tempi successivi miei e di mille altre persone. Il futuro è, in altre parole, il diretto risultato del presente.
Falso, perché l’attimo fuggente non è ‘l’ultimo’ ma solo uno di una serie (che la natura umana spera essere) infinitamente lunga.

Poi, dopo una vita a rincorrere l’irraggiungibile, finalmente ti trovi nell’unica situazione in cui dovresti cogliere l’attimo, perché senza conseguenze…perché davvero l’ultimo! 

 Ma questa è una esperienza che nessuno ha mai potuto raccontare. (6 novembre 2008)


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